Gratitude and Thanks

During the past 18 mobths, after leaving an entire life behind me, I have learned something remarkably interesting and valuable. Something that has made my life more balanced, more peaceful and much happier. To let go of complaining and dissatisfaction, and instead to be grateful and to give thanks. I discover in countless small moments how I relate to this situation now, and how my former self would have related to it. For example, a few days ago, when I was working in a town about 60 kilometers from my home and was just about to drive back, the GPS suggested a detour. I thought, why not. The road led through a forest. Through a dense and fragrant pine forest. In truth I could have simply rushed through it, but life encouraged me to slow down, and so did the good five centimeters of slippery mud on the narrow forest road. These little forest roads are usually very winding, and another of their characteristics is that right next to the road there are already trees, which means there is no two-meter wide "empty strip", there is no room for mistakes, because the tree will spin your car around if you decide to slide off the road at fifty. So I noticed that the car had begun to slide, the reason being the melting snowdrifts several meters high in the +10 degree daytime temperatures, which by evening around zero degrees had turned into a slick, icy layer of mud on the surface of the road, mixed with scattered gravel that is extremely useful in freezing weather, but by now not really so much anymore. I had to slow down and could barely crawl along at twenty-five as I wound my way through the forest, and here I received the first gift from nature: the true scent of pine, something that until now I had only ever smelled at the Christmas tree market in my childhood, a deep and full resinous fragrance that intoxicates, overwhelms and makes one fall in love. It was no different for me, I was completely seduced by it. Whispering thanks to the Lord, with the window lowered and breathing deeply of the intoxicating, concentrated scent of pine, I continued through the dense forest. Then nature surprised me with another gift, this time in the form of animals: little rabbits were running along the roadside, stopping now and then and listening carefully to decide whether the unfamiliar sound (me and my little Volvo) was friend or foe. They concluded that it was not a threat, which was a wise decision on the rabbits' part, because it truly wasn't. Then a cute squirrel leapt across the road in front of me, and I believe I had never before been this close to our little bushy-tailed neighbor, and then I noticed a few white tails and realized that deer were surrounding me, looking at me with their enormous dark eyes. I felt immeasurably grateful that I could experience this moment.

For me the concept of homesickness is unknown, and I think it is because I am at home here. This is what I have always longed for, a life like this close to nature. And here, at last, I can realize my true dream: a small little house deep in the forest, with squirrels as neighbors and deer wandering through the garden. If all of this were accompanied by a fireplace, and perhaps if the house stood on the shore of a lake, then I would feel richer than the richest people in the world. Although I left everything behind — a beautiful house, a career, a job that I loved, my past, my childhood, my friends, and of course my family — I have not regretted my decision for a single moment. In many respects my life is more difficult, because I do far more physical work, yet I appreciate what I do much more. It feels good to make someone's life better, easier, simpler or perhaps fuller simply by cleaning their home. I truly like doing it, and through it I have grown a great deal, because I no longer complain about the amount of work, instead I am glad for it, because I am useful. Genuinely useful to someone. Earlier this week it also happened that I had to clean a rural house. It was a somewhat neglected house that had not been cleaned for quite some time, and it truly needed care and attention. One evening I worked until ten o'clock, and then continued the next day, spending altogether ten hours making sure that the small dirty little house could once again become a welcoming home for someone. And during all this I did not grumble, I did not complain (not even to myself), I simply worked, and from time to time I looked back to see how well I was progressing and how beautiful the bathroom, the bedroom or the kitchen became after my work. While I worked, I found myself thinking about how I would arrange this house if it were mine, and the longing for my own little house grew even stronger. The envy that is so characteristic of my compatriots and of my whole nation, I now know, can be shed and is not a natural state. I was simply glad for the fact that I have work, that I am able to work, and that through it I can move ever closer to my goals. And of course it was only the icing on the cake that the man who had ordered the cleaning was extremely satisfied with my work, and now my boss is worried that he will always want me in particular, which I do not consider a problem at all, quite the opposite. Let the client be satisfied, because if he is, that means I too could do a little something to make someone else's life better.